Do No Harm

So two days after my Ozark DNF, I am putting some reflection on it. First, I am 99% sure I would have made it with no repercussions. However, it was that 1% that stopped me, because of the ramifications of that 1%.

Ir-repairable harm to my heart, and/or forever ending my running career. Forget about DEATH, I was worried about LIVING with a really bad decision; and maybe still DNF'ing just at a later time. My heart was BLIPPING an extra beat about every 5 minutes. Its a feeling like your drummer is out of syncopation. I have had it before; its a sign of over-training and too much stress (work this time).

I had a chance to think long and hard about while I was running that last 10 miles. For two and a half hours, I dissected my logic to drop. I tried to take out whatever pain I was feeling; which was about none, actually. I have felt much worse on three of my four 50 milers. My legs felt great, sort of like they had about 20 miles on them; energy level was through the roof; I had managed my nutrition better than I have ever done. I could have 'mailed in' another 10 or so to make it to total of 50 miles, but you can't do that with a hundred miler.

Logic simply said to weigh the cost-benefit, the risk-reward of continuing onward.

And the risk, however small was too great, too big of a price to pay if my decision to continue turned out to be the wrong one. As an ultra runner, like most, I am my own best doctor. That holds true ONLY when I can be objective about my decisions not being colored by my desires. I had a desire to run 100 miles, and I had to take that out of the equation when I made my choice. Then it became easy.

DO NO HARM.

Do no harm does not equate to inaction, meaning do nothing. The choice to STOP is an action, not inaction. Logically speaking, I had to choose, there was not a "no choice, no action" option in this case.

This does not mean I am not disappointed. On the contrary. Now, I've got a pebble in my shoe. Just like when I DNF'd my first 50, it gave me the resolve and drive and commitment to do what it takes to get it done.

I am definitely not done with the HUNDO. Not even close.