Saturday, January 15, 2011

Now or Later

The Moon shot

I am headed to the desert on Monday next week. The group I go with times it so that we are there during the full moon. I'll get in some night hikes, and have my Fenix (pronounced like Phoenix the city) to light the way.

At night, Its eerie, like being on a different planet: beautifully strange.

During the day, I should get in some great hikes and runs in the desert mountains. Its a big place, with miles and miles of trails.

Those are tents down there..

Since i don't have a 'smart' phone, I don't have an all-in-one device to both take pictures and assist with navigation

To save weight, its either a GPS, or a camera. I don't want to carry both (I will carry my phone too). So I have to decide whether its more important to know where I am now, or to later remember where I've been.

Sun and clouds makes
for drama in photos...

The Buddhist in me first says to take the GPS: its always more important to know NOW, be NOW, live in the moment.

Not worry about recording some photo that I won't care much about later anyway.

High peaks, low clouds..

But then the Buddhist in me says: you already know where you are, and relying on some external source for finding that is always a mistake. No. rely on a compass, a map, and the sun. Mark confusion points with cairns (A small pile of stones, arranged so it looks intentional). Don't stick you head in the sand.

Canyon Wash.........

The photo Op says STOP. Look around outside your immediate sphere. The camera can be the reminder to live in the present moment.

The camera wins. I will get some great shots, of some beautiful country. The shots above were from my last trip.

See you in 10 days or so.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Dreams of Mara

Hello Mara. Happy New Year.

I had the dreams about you again last night.

Some dreams it’s light. I can hold it up, and it’s an ephemeral thing. A fugitive in the night. A ghost of a memory. Almost transparent, invisible, hazy. Barely there. Then it slips away, like a fog rolling out to a calm sea. And I find myself, and it’s warm. A glow, deep inside me.

Then, there are days it’s an anvil. Heavy. I can hardly lift it. My shoulders sag, my chest hurts. It’s more than a rain of tears, it’s thunder.

The attachment. A heavy thing should be easy to let go of. But it’s not.

A dream away, all my good-byes. A dream away, all my hopes. All my attachments. Some times I am so close. I see that “I” don’t exist. And yet I am everything at the same time.

I have to face it. The fire in the furnace. The only way I’m ever going to let go, is when I can face my fear of it directly. Way down in the hole. Until then, it’s more good-byes, it’s more justifying, it’s rationalizing. Again and again.

Until I can give up the anger. Until I can give up my selfishness. Until I can forgive. These are the lessons. These are the reason you were there. The reasons you are still here.

And you will you be here/there, teaching me these lessons, over and over until I see that it isn’t you at all. It’s me.