Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Weight

I wrote this two years ago, but never put it 'out there'. I find it interesting now. Maybe time has lessened its weight; maybe the monkey mind finally found something else to do....

A half forgotten dream starts my day. The argument, start of the heart-tension upon waking.

The slow waking should be a pleasure. Those moments when you are half dreamy. Instead, they only brought the looking.

A man roaming the empty halls of an unfurnished mansion. Room by room, door by door. Closets. Attic. Basement. Looking for the answer. Why?

An ache, something is missing. And upon finding it, realizing it isn't a pleasant discovery, but a heavy burden to be carried. An attachment. Weighted down.

I can't drop it. Once found, it's mine. For the day. Until sleep brings relief once again.

Some days are much harder. It's a such a burden. A bloody axe stuck in my hand. I try and resolve it, but there is no resolution. There is no reason, it just is. I can't get these blood stains off my hands.

I can't drop it. I can't clean it up.

So I Wait.

Wait for the day that I don't go looking for it. Because if I look for it, I'm sure to find it. Again. And carry it around for the day. One year is coming up soon. Milestones may mean something.

I wait to find real forgiveness, and wait to find real peace. I wait to let it go. It's there, I have had glimmers.

So I Wait.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Marching Time

I think many people wish their lives away.

My favorite is in the middle of the week, when people say: "Wow, I'm glad its Wednesday, half way to weekend" or, "its been a long week".

"Happy Friday" which is never said with sarcasm, as in "Happy Monday". Why is one moment of "NOW" better than another moment?

Why are we so averse or attached to a particular label on a given NOW in the perceived notion of the stream of time?

Sometimes I think that the attachment to "Friday" is almost worse than the aversion to "Monday", in that it sets up the aversion itself (but then, I too am making a judgment call and its a rabbit hole that I don' need to go down). What are you going to do on Friday or Saturday, that makes it so much better than Monday? Tuesday?

All that you ever have is NOW. Whether to be averse or attached to it, BOTH waste the experience. Revel in it, immerse yourself in it, whether its pain, pleasure, boredom, anger, cold, hot, vanilla, chocolate, or tutti fruiti.

"When" was the last "time" you noticed it was NOW?

Saturday, February 12, 2011


There is a word we are all familiar with: Discombobulation: to confuse or disconcert; upset; confuse or disconcert; upset; frustrate.

It has its polar opposite, according to the Milwaukee Airport people. "Recombobulation". After checking through Security, you reach the "Recombobulation Area" (So apparently the scan and pat down area is the "Discombobulation Area" by definition). If its not a real word, someone in the Administrative area there has a hellava sense of humor.

I recomobobulated in AZ recently. More to come.....