do we re-invent the past?

They say that when you remember something, recall it from the synapses of your brain, that what you are really recalling is not the memory at all, but the last time you recalled the memory. So, essentially, each time the memory is invoked, we are making a copy of the last copy.

If the memory is recalled enough, we are making copies of copies of copies.......

How does this change our perception of the past? Does it re-invent it? If the event is traumatic enough, carrying elements of emotion and strong visions, how badly does it get distorted?

If this is done so often, becoming an obsession, does the memory change us?

Why do we do this to ourselves? To assuage our guilt? To justify our position? To figure it out? To turn ourselves into the victim?

An Old Cowboys Advice

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somthin' that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Clever Quote

As we release our need to be "seen", to be clever, to achieve, or to
perform, the way is made clear for our inner radiance to shine. In a
noisy world, seek the silence in your heart. And through the power of
silence, the energies of chaos will be brought back to harmony — not
by you, but through you, as all miracles are.

-- Marianne Williamson

Slavery

Once you need something, or want it too badly,

You forfeit your strength and lose all power

Of negotiation.

That. Is Attachment. That. Is Slavery.

Do be do be do

To be is to do- Socrates. To do is to be, Satre. (Do be do be do, Sinatra).

Do we create ourselves through action? Or does the action 'prove' we exist? Is the 'action' (do) the thing that creates our sense of self (be), or does our existence (be) allow for action (do)?

For those whose life is about action, the world is a stage on which to create an artificial sense of self, to enact dreams. I think, the self comes after this action. It's time bound. It takes reflection, and language to create the self. (And most neurotic behavior too).

I am a.......... (fill in the blank).

Me? I am a runner. I am a father. I am a programmer. But where are these things? They have no substance, no form. They exist only for daily existence, for conversation. How we label ourselves has no more substance that the idea of money. It's agreed upon. It's a set of arbitrary rules.

Who are you, and why? Does it change over time? As you age? And more importantly, are you sure you are who you say you are?

Rock

I’m standing on a rock. Still quiet.

The discursive thinking has stopped. Finally. After a two day beat myself fest, I got on top of it. For the second day in a row, I’m feeling centered.

I may have more bad days. But I need to try and remember, they pass.

I have peace. Deep peace. I wonder how deep it can get?

Even if its shallow now, it feels deep in contrast to what I had been feeling.

It’s all thoughts. I can’t resolve it with more thoughts. Anxiety is not cured with more anxiety.

The receding water leaves a beautiful clean rock, free of muddy footprints.

Breath it in. Stand tall.

It feels so good.

Muddy thoughts

The thoughts of a thing, are not that thing.

The thoughts of your past, are not your past.

If you are living in your thoughts, then knowing and thinking are entangled in the mud.

Thoughts > Emotions > More Thoughts > Dialog > Stronger Emotions> Argument> Justifying> Stronger Emotions> Thoughts>.........Repeat

Step back, and know you are thinking. You don’t have to be your thoughts. The mud of your thoughts sucks you in, up to your boots. Separate yourself from it. Don't try and stop it, but stay aware and mindful, a layer above it. Come up on the dry road. Don’t become your thoughts, or you lose your freedom.

You are independent of what you know.

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When you go ‘back’ to the past, what are you trying to fix? Can you free yourself from the thoughts of trying to fix it? Because you discover something, why do you think it would enhance what you experienced in the past? You let it flow. You were glad for what it was, what it is. Do you need to get into the maze? Again? Mired in the mud.

Look for the times, you would be pulled out of your mindfulness. Sucked into the mud. Take it as a challenge. To stay in your mindfulness. Now, there is nothing to do, nothing to un-do. Leave it alone.

Just because you were pulled out of mindfulness back then, your current mindfulness can’t fix what already has gone by. Don’t use your mindfulness to fix what has past. It's a waste of the present.

Once the river flows, you can’t catch the drops downstream. Stop chasing the feelings. But don't run from them either. Let them flow, like water, not like mud.

Coming Home

Its time to come home. I am reviving this blog today, and it needs much cleaning. The last multitude of posts are all quotes. Nothing original; but good reminders.

I am finally at peace with the voices of mara.

She had a face, but it was only one that I provided. It was not separate from me, no matter how much it seemed like it was.

Its at rest. Let it always be. At rest.