is it knowable?

In the past 11 months,, I've been the perpetrator, the guilty, the jilted, the peevish, the jealous, the angry, the depressed, the euphoric, the anxious, the ........ you name it. I have tried to find "it". Today, I realized I was the 'victim', I quickly felt that, let it go appropriately, and then started questioning whether I had "it" right or not. When you think you are it, you find yourself mistaken.

Questioning what "it" is.

Trying to find "it", through emotions is impossible. Trying to find "it" through self-analysis, is just as futile. Trying to find "it" via thinking? Whoa boy, don't go there. Madness lay that way.

Even the fact of looking for "it" is a rabbit hole in itself.

I no longer even want to know what "it" is. I think "it" is unknowable.

But: "it" just is.

Look at your reflection in a pool of water.

Say to yourself: "It" is me. But I am not "it".